Cumberland Fell Runners

"Best of order please!
Let this meeting commence,"
Bellowed Harry Jarrett,
Not meaning to cause offence.

The first thing on the agenda,
The previous meetings minutes,
Followed by a debate,
On the rising cost of Guiness.

Some one nudged Bernard,
Who was struggling to stay awake,
"Don't pick on me" he said,
"Tonight I've been round Blake!"

Stewart Young was there,
He'd come up on his bike,
via Humber Bridge,
Loch Ness and Scafell Pike.

"How about more training runs?"
I heard Grant sternly say,
"We should be having three a week,
Now we're into May."

Mike Wood applauded his enthusiasm,
And began to clap loudly
While in the bar John James was concerned,
Because his pint was cloudy.

Paul Murphy sat in the corner,
With his feet on his dogs head,
The poor mutt was fast asleep,
oblivious to all that was said.

And Steve Martin was knocking 'em back
Singing loud and clear,
Some song about, "The road to Hell"
Written by Chris Rea.

The lady members were giggling,
Trying to hide their guilt,
At sitting opposite to Bob Hughes,
And looking up his kilt.

Ah but Bob, the canny Scotsman,
Just took it in his stride,
Nothing rattled the man,
From "The Bonny Banks of Clyde"

Big fat "Al Bowness," He was there,
Chain smoking by the door,
Forcing down the pints,
He'd been on it since half past four.

Dave Donald was playing dominoes,
With Dave Findley by the fire,
They argued long and loudly,
The noise was getting higher.

Geoff Clucas had a lot to say,
But struggled to be heard,
As Bernard's snoring was deafening now,
You couldn't hear a word!

"Time lads and lasses please"
The landlord eventually said,
Then throwing Bernard over his shoulder,
He carted him off to bed.

So the curtain fell
on another informative meeting,
Yes, for constructive sense
Ours must take some beating.

Me, I'd raised a few "pints,"
Barry Johnson had raised a few points,
While others had sat and complained,
About their aching joints.

(Apologies for not attending: Salman Rushdie, Rupert Bear, The Kray twins, Lord Lucan, The Marx Brothers, Nelson Mandela, Lassie, The Birmingham six, Katy Boyle, Idi Amin, George Best, Dame Peggy Ashcroft and Torchy the Battery Boy.)