Cumberland Fell Runners

There are piddles and puddles and oodles
of fag ends and tissues and stuff,
There are strips of soggy old card board,
and a pong that is seriously rough.
There are doors without any handles
and holders without paper too,
But I just stare at the ceiling, when I go into the loo.

There are driers with swivelling nozzles,
and toilets with dirty brown rings,
There are rusty machines full of pictures
of nobbly, bobbly things.
And holes where there used to be packets
and a broken window or two.
But I just stare at the ceiling, when I go into the loo.

There are cubicles riddled with scribbles,
and strange anatomical shapes!
And pedestals gushing like rivers
over objects like large yellow grapes.
And a room for the superintendent,
who never says" How do you do?"
But I just stare at the ceiling, when I go into the loo.